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What are your favorite accountant jokes?

Rose Robbins's Profile

accountant jokesIt’s a holiday week here in the US, so I thought I’d lighten things up by asking for your favorite accountant jokes. I always hear a few when I visit family this time of year, but I’d love to know what kind of jokes you all know! My favorite: An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," he says. "Have you tried counting sheep?" inquires the doctor. "That's the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.” So, what's your favorite joke?

Answers

Lynne Holloman
Title: Accounting Manager
Company: Woodside Equine Clinic
LinkedIn Profile
(Accounting Manager, Woodside Equine Clinic) |

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

Topic Expert
Keith Perry
Title: Consulting CFO and Business Operations A..
Company: Growth Accelerator
(Consulting CFO and Business Operations Advisor, Growth Accelerator) |

By far my favorite accounting "joke".

Anonymous
(VP Operations) |

I heard this joke in India often; that was in 1980's.

Greg Carey
Title: Director, Finance
Company: Canadian Energy Wholesale Gas & Electric
(Director, Finance, Canadian Energy Wholesale Gas & Electric) |

A man walks into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The shop has three for sale, one costing $5,000, the second $7,500 and the third $10,000. The man calls the shop owner over to ask why the prices are so high.

The owner explains, "The first is an accounting whiz. He can keep your records, balance your books along with bank reconciliations, and correspond with government authorities fluently in both official languages."

He points to the second parrot. "This one is a financial genius. He can do everything the first parrot can, as well as maintain complex budgeting and forecasting models."

Impressed, the man asks about the third parrot. The shop owner pauses for a moment, then shakes his head. "To be honest, I've never seem him do a single thing, but the other two parrots both call him 'Senior Partner'."

Alan Larking
Title: Plant Controller
Company: Elkhart Plastics
(Plant Controller, Elkhart Plastics) |

Bill the accountant and two associates were going to an audit one day. They parked their car and got out. Then Bill realized that the keys were still in the car and the doors were locked.
"What are we going to do," said Bill. One accountant said, "Well, we could get a coat hanger and try to unlock the door." The second accountant said, "We could try to pry the door open."
Bill then replied, "Well, whatever you do, you'd better hurry. A storm is coming and the top is still down."

Topic Expert
Wayne Spivak
Title: President & CFO
Company: SBAConsulting.com
LinkedIn Profile
(President & CFO, SBAConsulting.com) |

It may not be a joke, but it occurs often and for us, the more seasoned just shake our heads.

"While undergoing our yearly audit (a service business), the CPA firm sent in the newly minted auditors to conduct the evaluation. I invited the auditors to lunch and tell them while we're out, the staff will re-arrange the warehouse. A blank stare ensues."

More and more, young auditors in many areas of the country no longer deal within industries that have inventory, and as such, fail to learn the lessons that many a CFO of generations long past would play to obtain tainted results.

Bob Low
Title: Principal
Company: Perron & Low
(Principal, Perron & Low) |

A man flying a hot air balloon makes an emergency landing in a field. He calls out to a passerby, "can you tell me where I am?". The passerby responds, "you are in a balloon in the middle of a field." To this the man says "you must be an accountant. The information you gave me is totally accurate but utterly useless." The passerby then retorts, "and you must be a CEO. You're steering a craft over which you have no control and you want me to tell you where you are going."

Bob Low
Title: Principal
Company: Perron & Low
(Principal, Perron & Low) |

I also have a favorite cartoon in which an executive type is standing next to a stereotypical accountant with green eye shade, calculator, etc. It's apparently late, the executive looks desperate, and says "It's up to you Miller. The only thing that can save us now is an accounting breakthrough"!

Anonymous
(Financial Analyst) |

Why did the CPA cross the road? Because he looked in the file and saw that is what they did last year.

Kundan Lal
Title: Accounting & Finance Consultant
Company: Real Time Cloud Services, LLC
(Accounting & Finance Consultant, Real Time Cloud Services, LLC) |

Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.

David Smith
Title: Manager
Company: Private
(Manager, Private) |

This is joke is as much about lawyers as accountants.

Anyway, a mobster hires a deaf accountant, figuring the accountant can't rat on what he doesn't overhear.

Some time later, the mobster gets the idea that the accountant is embezzling. So, the mobster gets his lawyer, who is American sign language proficient, to translate the mobster's interrogation of the accountant.

At first, the accountant doesn't admit to anything (via sign language to the lawyer) until the mobster whips out a gun and angrily threatens to shoot the accountant dead.

Then, the account signs, "okay, okay, I stole a lot. It's hidden in my barbecue in my back yard. Please don't kill me."

The mobster asks the lawyer, "what did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "he says you don't have the guts to shoot."

John A. Webb
Title: Partner / Senior Business Advisor
Company: Strombeck Consulting CPAs
(Partner / Senior Business Advisor, Strombeck Consulting CPAs) |

Difference between a lawyer and an accountant ? The accountant KNOWS he's boring.

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